Being a Rescuer: The Truth, Downfalls, and Solution

Being a rescuer is a common automatic response that many people find themselves naturally falling into. It is an emotional state of mind where a person wants to help others, sometimes to the point of where they neglect caring for their own personal and financial needs. Being a rescuer consists of helping others because of the internal satisfaction gained by feeling needed and important.

Human nature expects, and demands, that when a person is in need of help that a friend or family member step up and lend a helping hand. A rescuer fills this need because it offers satisfaction for themselves and help to the ones in need. The request for assistance can be financial or emotional support, or some type of physical task that needs to be completed. No matter what is called for, though, a rescuer will allows jump to the rescue of the person in need.

There are numerous downfalls associated with a person that is a natural rescuer. They will, nine out of ten times, sacrifice their own personal finances, well-being, or lifestyle in order to help others. Many people that put others before themselves have to cope with living a simple life that is full of choices made by the people around them.

The second most prominent downfall that can befall a rescuer can be linked to the problem discussed above. Once people realize that a rescuer is present they will take full advantage of it. More often than not a person that helps others will be used to accomplish as many tasks as possible, even simple ones such as running to the store in the middle of the night. No task is too small, or big, to tackle in order for them to fulfill their own inner demands.

Being a rescuer is an emotional need that many people throughout the world can be categorized into. It is a natural response to any situation that may arise pertaining to the wants and needs of friends and family members. It is an emotional state that requires the rescuer to help people in order for them to feel needed, making them fulfill the internal requirements of being important and loved. Even though stepping up and helping people is a natural, commonly automatic, act for a rescuer, it is possible to limit the negative effects associated with the actions. Basically, people that are rescuers need to learn how to say “no”, and to realize that it is necessary to prioritize their lives by putting themselves before others.

Lane Resources Inc.

R. Lynn Lane

Change Your Friends For A Better Life

Ever heard the saying, “show me a person’s friends and I will tell you what sort of person they are”?  It has more truth to it than you may think.  Look around your own circle of friends.  It’s probable that you and they engage in similar types of behaviour.  If your friend spends lots of time shopping, it’s likely that you do, too.  You might have even found that, if you’ve been friends for awhile, you may share similar physical traits – a similar body-weight, for instance, or similar taste in clothes.  If there are some aspects to yourself that you’re unhappy with, unfortunately, your friends might be helping you to maintain them.

This is partly due to a psychological phenomenon known as Social Proof.  It’s whereby people follow the lead of the people they associate with if they’re unsure about something.  If you’re unsure whether you should be going out tonight because you have an early start tomorrow, but your friend does too and is already lining up the vodka shots, Social Proof might explain why you turn up late tomorrow.  It’s important, then, to choose the people whom we associate with carefully. 

You have to know what you want before you know whom to choose as friends, however.  Therefore, it is important to develop your own set of strongly developed personal values and attitudes.  Values are your own beliefs about what really matters in life.  Examples of values include ‘Abundance’, ‘Learning’, ‘Knowledge’ and ‘Teamwork’.  There are many lists on the internet that detail a wide range of values.  You might wish to scan one, and make a list of your personal top 10 most important values. 

Once you have identified your most important values, you should find, ideally, that your values guide your behaviour.  So, a person who values ‘Family’ should be attempting to maintain good relationships with their family members and should make an effort to spend time with them.  If you find that there’s a gap between your values and your behaviour, it may be time to re-assess your behaviour.  Given that we know friends influence our behaviour, it may also be time to re-assess your friendships.

This doesn’t have to mean we dismiss all our current friendships.  It may just mean broadening our social horizons, to include other friendships that are more in line with our personal values.  Someone who values ‘Creativity’, for instance, should seek to surround him- or herself with other people who also value being creative.  This will likely mean people who like to talk about art, who are imaginative and innovative, and who inspire you.  You can find these people through joining relevant clubs and associations, through internet forums and just by keeping an eye out for them.

Though there is some evidence that our choice of friends is influenced by our genetic make-up, it is certainly not impossible to consciously seek out people who will help us to grow into the people we most want to be.

Happy Father’s Day!

Father’s Day is celebrated all over the world today. Honor the Father in your life today. For all the single Moms that have to fill the void for the Father…Happy Father’s Day to you too. Happy Father’s Day to my Dad…that I lost to cancer 5 years ago.

Thank You.
Lynn Lane

Make Time Fly-Have More Fun.

Create more time and have more fun in LIFE!
Cool research.

Christmas & Toastmasters International

I remember a long time ago in a Toastmasters meeting I made a mistake.

Toastmasters International?

Toastmasters International is an organization that helps people to speak in public. Public speaking is a great fear most people have, next to death. So, you could say that most people would prefer being in the casket at the funeral than speaking at it.

At this meeting I was appointed the Table Topics Master for the night. I always loved that task, mostly because it would break things up and it would always bring out the good stories and the creative side of all the speakers involved.

 The Table Topics Master is in charge of the portion of the meeting that concentrates on speaking off the cuff. My job was to pick a topic and ask a member to give a talk for 2 minutes on that subject. We had enough members to ask 3 people per meeting to speak on table topics.

This meeting was the last meeting of the year and it was a few days before Christmas, so I thought I would stay with the theme and do topics around that subject.

I looked around the room at all the members I could call on. I picked Ernie. Ernie was a cool cat with a New York way of speaking. He was in sales and was a good speaker.

I looked at Ernie and motioned for him to come up to the lectern and then I asked him to tell us all about a special Christmas he had when he was a kid. He smiled and walked up beside me and I walked away and waited for a great 2 minute speech.

Ernie takes a deep breath and looks at me and he starts to speak. “Well…….I never had a Christmas with my family.” I thought oh no! I’m going to feel bad about this. All the other members looked and listened to find out more. Then He said; “I never celebrated Christmas with my family because…..I’m Jewish.” I can still see his big old smile. “I did have Christmas sort of. I would go to my friend’s house and enjoy Christmas Day with them. I also had Hanukah at my house.”

Ernie did a great job and finished his 2 minutes without missing a step. And he made me look like a winner. I’ve lost touch with old Ernie some years ago. I hope to laugh about that meeting again with him one day!

My Lesson:

So, what did I learn from that other than Ernie was Jewish and never celebrated Christmas with his family?

1 – Never assume that you know people until you really know them.

*** That is one communication and success tip that will take you far in business and in your relationships of any sort.

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Merry Christmas to you all!

Happy Hanukah, Ernie!

Embrace the challenge & enjoy the journey.

Visit A Toastmasters International Meeting Near You.

Lynn Lane

Lane Resources Inc.

Be Yourself-

“To be nobody-but-yourself — in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else — means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.” –e.e. cummings

Step Up – Step Out – Step Into Your Greatness!

Use this link if you don’t see the video —> Here.

Lynn Lane

Lane Resources Inc.